photo: lemon lavender tofu cheesecake, and imbibements.They say this is a particularly magical time of year, and I believe it. For example today, for a brief moment in time, there were ABSOLUTELY NO dirty dishes in the kitchen.
It was an incredible sight, and one I reported to my flat-mate with as decisive a manner as I could muster. "At this moment in time," I informed him, "there are no dirty dishes in the kitchen."
It's not that I had done all his dishes (I just don't do that), rather he had cleaned his and shortly thereafter I had chosen to clean mine, leaving an immaculately clean and clear countertop. In a two bedroom apartment kitchen, a clean kitchen countertop is indeed a magical moment.
I made my announcement, and left him to the technological frustrations he was attempting to resolve (Hal Sisson's previous broadcast transferrence from audio tape to mp3), returning to my own apartment space where, much to my dismay, I found an abandoned rice bowl leftover from lunch. AACKKK!!! I exclaimed. Reluctantly, and with much despair, I carried the wayward bowl into the kitchen, placed it on the counter, moved again to my friend's door and announced "The moment has now passed. There is now a dirty dish on the countertop."
Magical moments aside, there's something to be said for friendship and good flat-mate relationships.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
People say "Copenhagen Failed." It's like a mantra. But I believe that Copenhagen, like today's small kitchen countertop miracle, offered a moment of magical transcendence. No, I would never burn the fuel necessary to join 100,000 people to rally in the streets and risk unnecessary arrest for no apparent reason but, somewhere deep inside me, I do appreciate that others did. At the same time, I'm disappointed that they missed their magical moment!!!
Here's what I wish had happened in Copenhagen. I wish the 100,000+ had signed their own freakin' accord. Why wait for "the big guys?" They're never gonna do it, and we all know that. Leave them to their limosine-riding, diamonds and jewels, meat intensive lifestyles and JUST GET ON WITH IT! If only the good grassroots people in Copenhagen had signed their own agreement, then they'd have something to hold up to the world, to show those "leaders" how it's done.
And in the spirit of appreciating this particular moment in history, I present -- The Ultimate "I Don't Fucking Care" Pledge to Global Climate Change - Resolutions for 2010. Feel free to sign on yerselves ....
It was an incredible sight, and one I reported to my flat-mate with as decisive a manner as I could muster. "At this moment in time," I informed him, "there are no dirty dishes in the kitchen."
It's not that I had done all his dishes (I just don't do that), rather he had cleaned his and shortly thereafter I had chosen to clean mine, leaving an immaculately clean and clear countertop. In a two bedroom apartment kitchen, a clean kitchen countertop is indeed a magical moment.
I made my announcement, and left him to the technological frustrations he was attempting to resolve (Hal Sisson's previous broadcast transferrence from audio tape to mp3), returning to my own apartment space where, much to my dismay, I found an abandoned rice bowl leftover from lunch. AACKKK!!! I exclaimed. Reluctantly, and with much despair, I carried the wayward bowl into the kitchen, placed it on the counter, moved again to my friend's door and announced "The moment has now passed. There is now a dirty dish on the countertop."
Magical moments aside, there's something to be said for friendship and good flat-mate relationships.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
People say "Copenhagen Failed." It's like a mantra. But I believe that Copenhagen, like today's small kitchen countertop miracle, offered a moment of magical transcendence. No, I would never burn the fuel necessary to join 100,000 people to rally in the streets and risk unnecessary arrest for no apparent reason but, somewhere deep inside me, I do appreciate that others did. At the same time, I'm disappointed that they missed their magical moment!!!
Here's what I wish had happened in Copenhagen. I wish the 100,000+ had signed their own freakin' accord. Why wait for "the big guys?" They're never gonna do it, and we all know that. Leave them to their limosine-riding, diamonds and jewels, meat intensive lifestyles and JUST GET ON WITH IT! If only the good grassroots people in Copenhagen had signed their own agreement, then they'd have something to hold up to the world, to show those "leaders" how it's done.
And in the spirit of appreciating this particular moment in history, I present -- The Ultimate "I Don't Fucking Care" Pledge to Global Climate Change - Resolutions for 2010. Feel free to sign on yerselves ....
I Pledge To :
1. Buy another SUV. One of them "environmentally friendly" ones. Maybe even a Hybrid. Same amount of requisite earth based metal components, plus a need to replace the battery every few years. And its silence can scare the crap out of, not to mention kill, unsuspecting pedestrians and cyclists alike. Unfortunately, there's not quite so much dependency on oil and gas, though the roads and highways and byways will be maintained, as always, for the Mighty Automobile. When purchasing gas, always buy the cheapest crap available. (Reminder to self: buy more Exxon stock to compensate for the loss in revenue).
2. Use more plastic, to compensate for the lost oil usage. (See item #1). This includes, but is not limited to: buying EVERYTHING NEW so there's ALWAYS lots of packaging. Keep "forgetting" to bring my own plastic bags to the grocery store, especially when re-fuelling from the bulk section. Especially look for new stuff with styrofoam packaging included, and then send it to the landfill rather than seeking out the local plastics recycling project. In fact, burn down the plastics recycling project, or bankrupt it and run it out of town.
3. While driving the brand new SUV, talk on newest model of Cell Phone made from precious metal only found in environmentally sensitive areas of Africa, harvested by children. Whenever possible, Idle. Idle, rev engine, Idle. Be a Stud and Idle.
4. Definitely keep Eating Dead Animals. Maybe talk about the possibility of "reducing" my consumption to, say, 16 meat infused meals a day rather than the requisite 21, but absolutely keep the conversation away from the notion of giving up meat entirely. Continue to buy soaps, shampoos, face paint, wine, beer, vitamins, and clothing that carries trace amounts of dead animals, thereby ensuring that the oppression of non-human beings, and the flagrant use of agricultural land and oil resources for their short painful lives, and their ultimate destruction, continues indefinitely. Laugh like a raving lunatic while pondering the immense power awarded to this cannibalistic lifestyle choide -- MWAHAHAHAHAHA. I am humanoid, the Centre of All the Universe, and All Creatures shall Surrender to my Will.
5. Drink lots and lots of coffee. Every Day. More on the Weekends. Continue to be completely addicted to it and, while passing the increasing amounts of homeless beggers, make a mental note that they're likely addicts of a more vociferous variety, and yell at them to "Get A Job." To appease my pain in the ass activist friends, drink Fair Trade Coffee and pretend that it's actually possible for 7 billion people to justify their habit AND save the earth. Completely ignore the idea that people might grow food on land they're exploiting for export crops, or that My Daily Habit makes any difference. NEVER carry a travel mug.
6. Wipe my hands, my ass, and blow my nose into whatever piece of Dead Forest presents itself. Never, ever, consider carrying a handkerchief (that's soooo 19th century). When I'm bleeding, plug myself up with a chlorine infested bit of absorbancy. Later, discard same into the local landfill.
7. Create lots and lots of GARBAGE. Don't bother sorting into compost, plastics, paper, and metal. That's definitely Too Much Trouble. Throw everything into the same bin and leave it on the curb for someone to make it Magically Disappear.
8. Live in the Largest Possible Space, on a piece of Clear Cut Ancient Rainforest, and leave all the lights on always. Never consider taking in a boarder, because All Poor People are Scum. Expand my personal space to occupy more than I really need or deserve, then spend a lot of time convincing myself otherwise. Use every possible chlorine based toxic cleaning product to keep it sparkling. Do Not, for any reason, consider changing One Iota of my lifestyle for the greater good. Just Take. Take, Take, Take. I'm Worth It. I Deserve It. And, darn it, People Like Me.
9. Squeeze some extra life outta whatever old and decrepit eggs remain, and have lots and lots of Children. Every Sperm Is, indeed, Special! Encourage all fertilized eggs to grow up, become Good Capitalist Consumers, and have lots of their own offspring to "ensure the continuation of the species." Each will be clad in hundreds upon thousands upon millions of disposable diapers. Each will demand, and be provided with, many oil-based plastic soothers, toys, feeding implements, all made by child labour in a far away country. For those fertilized eggs, justify owning an oil-fuelled motorized vehicle or three, steering it occasionally into the drive-through window at a fast food restaurant of your choosing, participate in all the capitalist holidays including Easter Eggs, Thanksgiving Dead Birds, Hallowe'en child labour Chocolates, and other Dental Conspiracies as they present themselves.
10. Pretend that It Would Make Absolutely No Difference if I were to change my personal habits/addictions and that really what's going on is that the Corporate Government World has to legislate change before anything will happen. Essentially, I Ain't Gonna Do Nothing Different until someone tells me I gotta.
HAPPY NEW YEAR ..... bah humbug.
1. Buy another SUV. One of them "environmentally friendly" ones. Maybe even a Hybrid. Same amount of requisite earth based metal components, plus a need to replace the battery every few years. And its silence can scare the crap out of, not to mention kill, unsuspecting pedestrians and cyclists alike. Unfortunately, there's not quite so much dependency on oil and gas, though the roads and highways and byways will be maintained, as always, for the Mighty Automobile. When purchasing gas, always buy the cheapest crap available. (Reminder to self: buy more Exxon stock to compensate for the loss in revenue).
2. Use more plastic, to compensate for the lost oil usage. (See item #1). This includes, but is not limited to: buying EVERYTHING NEW so there's ALWAYS lots of packaging. Keep "forgetting" to bring my own plastic bags to the grocery store, especially when re-fuelling from the bulk section. Especially look for new stuff with styrofoam packaging included, and then send it to the landfill rather than seeking out the local plastics recycling project. In fact, burn down the plastics recycling project, or bankrupt it and run it out of town.
3. While driving the brand new SUV, talk on newest model of Cell Phone made from precious metal only found in environmentally sensitive areas of Africa, harvested by children. Whenever possible, Idle. Idle, rev engine, Idle. Be a Stud and Idle.
4. Definitely keep Eating Dead Animals. Maybe talk about the possibility of "reducing" my consumption to, say, 16 meat infused meals a day rather than the requisite 21, but absolutely keep the conversation away from the notion of giving up meat entirely. Continue to buy soaps, shampoos, face paint, wine, beer, vitamins, and clothing that carries trace amounts of dead animals, thereby ensuring that the oppression of non-human beings, and the flagrant use of agricultural land and oil resources for their short painful lives, and their ultimate destruction, continues indefinitely. Laugh like a raving lunatic while pondering the immense power awarded to this cannibalistic lifestyle choide -- MWAHAHAHAHAHA. I am humanoid, the Centre of All the Universe, and All Creatures shall Surrender to my Will.
5. Drink lots and lots of coffee. Every Day. More on the Weekends. Continue to be completely addicted to it and, while passing the increasing amounts of homeless beggers, make a mental note that they're likely addicts of a more vociferous variety, and yell at them to "Get A Job." To appease my pain in the ass activist friends, drink Fair Trade Coffee and pretend that it's actually possible for 7 billion people to justify their habit AND save the earth. Completely ignore the idea that people might grow food on land they're exploiting for export crops, or that My Daily Habit makes any difference. NEVER carry a travel mug.
6. Wipe my hands, my ass, and blow my nose into whatever piece of Dead Forest presents itself. Never, ever, consider carrying a handkerchief (that's soooo 19th century). When I'm bleeding, plug myself up with a chlorine infested bit of absorbancy. Later, discard same into the local landfill.
7. Create lots and lots of GARBAGE. Don't bother sorting into compost, plastics, paper, and metal. That's definitely Too Much Trouble. Throw everything into the same bin and leave it on the curb for someone to make it Magically Disappear.
8. Live in the Largest Possible Space, on a piece of Clear Cut Ancient Rainforest, and leave all the lights on always. Never consider taking in a boarder, because All Poor People are Scum. Expand my personal space to occupy more than I really need or deserve, then spend a lot of time convincing myself otherwise. Use every possible chlorine based toxic cleaning product to keep it sparkling. Do Not, for any reason, consider changing One Iota of my lifestyle for the greater good. Just Take. Take, Take, Take. I'm Worth It. I Deserve It. And, darn it, People Like Me.
9. Squeeze some extra life outta whatever old and decrepit eggs remain, and have lots and lots of Children. Every Sperm Is, indeed, Special! Encourage all fertilized eggs to grow up, become Good Capitalist Consumers, and have lots of their own offspring to "ensure the continuation of the species." Each will be clad in hundreds upon thousands upon millions of disposable diapers. Each will demand, and be provided with, many oil-based plastic soothers, toys, feeding implements, all made by child labour in a far away country. For those fertilized eggs, justify owning an oil-fuelled motorized vehicle or three, steering it occasionally into the drive-through window at a fast food restaurant of your choosing, participate in all the capitalist holidays including Easter Eggs, Thanksgiving Dead Birds, Hallowe'en child labour Chocolates, and other Dental Conspiracies as they present themselves.
10. Pretend that It Would Make Absolutely No Difference if I were to change my personal habits/addictions and that really what's going on is that the Corporate Government World has to legislate change before anything will happen. Essentially, I Ain't Gonna Do Nothing Different until someone tells me I gotta.
HAPPY NEW YEAR ..... bah humbug.
